Yesterday I was talking with my girls and K and I was remarking that re-entry back into home country life is far more difficult than one would expect. I think maybe this was the first time that I had been honest about that with my girls. I think for me the part that has been (and will be) challenging is realizing that my experiences abroad - the crazy highs and the impenetrable lows - are really not of interest to people at home. I don't think it is because of a lack of trying - but living in a different soul stretching place for so long often falls is out of the depth of (domestic) understanding. Feeling uprooted - while trying to maintain some semblance of normalcy and routine for my family - has often been difficult for me.
But I have done it before and I will do it again.
And naturally I am a bit wiser this time. I think it is important to capture my story in a way that my girls can relate to. I was woefully unprepared for how untethered it all felt. Intellectually I knew that all of the displaced feelings were coming my way but I didn't realize how important it that they be caught and acknowledged somewhere - even if it was just back to me.
And I am feeling the feels now. The dread of moving. Of starting over again. Practically moving back into our home. Of life without Matt for a while (a few months at the moment)
But this time I am trying to keep going. For the kids. For myself. I am lucky that my kids are demonstrating a kind of resilience that I have not had much of this calendar year. So I am leaning into my presence with them more than I ever have.
I love my friends in Macau. My truly authentic friends I have here and I can see and speak with often. And it is a magical moment in time.
So I am doing what I can to celebrate and be present and to capture with these people I love and have with me here. And to thank them for allowing me to share my voice with them.
