A couple of groovy links

I have hope! Thank goodness for Nicole Kidman (I am still waiting for this to happen to me by the way...)


Also - this article puts things into perspective for me to STOP THE NEUROSIS NOW!

Idle Sunday

Today is the last Sunday/day off we have before a flurry of travel to America. We attempted to try a new burger joint called Berg's and visited the website and they said they were open everyday so we went and it was CLOSED and needless to say, we were not happy. We ended up walking around this area (Far East Square) and the whole area is cute and pedestrian friendly and CLOSED. The only thing that was open was a Subway (bleh, no deli meats) and then we drove around to a mall which had NO PARKING and we were not happy yet again. Obama is in town and I don't know if this is why the city is all whacked traffic wise. We ended up at another mall and had a HANDBURGER which was pretty good but slow and kind of a cheap version of FLIP in ATL. We sat near 2 groups of Americans (sitting in the same seats but the table turned). The second group were 2 bigger men dressed casually talking investments (all Americans are talking investments) and the guy sitting closer to Matt looked like he had been shot in the ear. I tried not to stare at the stale blooded ear but needless to say it was impossible not to. Did some Christmas shopping and then bought some nail clippers and shampoo for the dog. I love Idle Sundays!

Under the weather

I have caught a bit of a cold. Luckily the snot is not green yet but it is plentiful (sorry if that is TMI - my TMI filter needs to be recalibrated with my raging hormones, I think). I am trying to use homeopathic solutions but I did take the Trader Joe's equivalent of an Emergen C this morning. Which reminds me that babycenter.com is the compilation of the worst case scenario handbook for pregnancy. Everyone who has the one in a zillion chance of something has a forum on this website. It is alarmist, or maybe I am alarmist. I can only allow myself to read that site infrequently. I found out this evening that I am not supposed to drink tea. I don't drink it anyway - gave it up a year ago for vanity reasons - but I did have some as a friend brought some ginger tea from India. I can apparently drink ginger tea in moderation. But not camomile or lemongrass? This article also mentioned that I cannot drink tea made from Labrador. Um, what is that exactly? Everything in moderation I suppose. To me moderation means almost never whereas some reports (probably babycenter.com) say that moderation equals one drink a day (well, for coffee at least). At my most addicted I was drinking a coffee a day. I suppose there are mothers-to-be who drank four cups a day before. Wow. I cannot imagine that withdrawal headache to ratchet back to one a day.

Bucky Musings from Nov 5

Imee is gone for a week, which is good training to see how independent we can be without her. I think if I graded myself I would rate probably a 6 out of 10. I get up early (6:30 today) to walk Bucky and feed him. What I was not expecting was for him to be digging up the garden. I guess this is what it is like to have a kid – expect the unexpected. So I spent some time lecturing him (he definitely knows he has done something wrong – his tail-between-his-legs = just sitting subserviently. He kept on sitting that it was difficult for me to lightly spank him on the butt (perhaps he knew it was coming?). It is weird – I think that I am more evolved than my parents but I can definitely foresee even with my brief experience with Bucky that I will be the bad cop when we have kids. It is really difficult for me to be all unconditional love after some transgression has occurred. Matt is really good with this – he knows when to discipline and when not to. My automatic reaction is to discipline – it is hard to rationalize not to. I grew up in a house where there was a lot of disciplining I guess I probably derive some strange comfort from it. At any rate, I am not sure if Bucky is acting out or what. We are leaving him alone for the longest lapses we have since getting him and he threw up yesterday (which was just weird- he doesn’t usually do that) and digging. Is he digging for attention?

Halloween Musings from Oct 31

This is probably the last year that I can blow off Halloween. Maybe it years of bad memories of not being able to trick or treat but needless to say I do not even register it anymore. I thought about putting the dog in a costume – but it is too much trouble (not that Bucky wouldn’t be game, but too much trouble to source a costume). Maybe next year I will take my newborn and dress her up as a princess. But really what I miss are individually wrapped Reese’s cups.

Musings from Oct 28

Matt says this morning that the baby is carrying low so it should be a girl. I wish it was carrying higher so that my pants weren’t so snug. I don’t know why I want to not be fat except I am being selfish. I do not want to go shopping here in Singapore – I don’t know why. I perceive things to be expensive or maybe I am lazy to do the currency conversion.

Musings and Kumquat on Oct 26

Every morning I wake up recently and wonder if I at still pregnant. My belly gets smaller and I don’t ever feel anything in my belly as I get up in the morning. This feeling subsides when I take a shower; somehow my belly has had a chance to pop out a bit (or my posture is rubbish) and then I feel that slight indigestion feeling in my belly. Then I feel better. Yesterday I had slight pains in my belly. It was ok overall – nothing so earth shattering or dramatic - but every little bit of pain or difference causes a bit of alarm. Yesterday we walked around the golf course and I think I ‘exercised too quickly’ after eating and I cramped a bit on my left side. Blah. There is just no way I can run a race in a week! I get winded going up the stairs these days. I miss going to the gym and being more in touch with my heart and my health. I really do.

I have been so dead tired in the evenings I do not even know what happens. My overall tiredness has gone down but it is like a switch is turned once it becomes ten. It is like my mind’s carriage turns into pumpkin goo.


This picture is surprisingly less exciting than the last one. Blobbier and maybe upside down? This is when we found out we are having a Little Miss Kumquat....

Musings from Oct 20

Recently I have been obsessed with all things baby. I guess this is normal but not so normal for me. I want to see what my kid will look like and all indications suggest that my kid will look very Asian when born. A large headed, beady eyed beauty. Wow I look forward to it! I think that the Western traits will come later. But Min’s kid is still pretty Asian looking. It does not matter – just hoping to have a healthy one. But seriously babies are beautiful. Just sleeping and cute and innocent. It is so hard to believe I am going to have one soon. This was part of the plan but it is surreal nonetheless. I think I will like being a parent (not just LOVE it). I hope it provides a routine to my homelife. Sort of fill in the holes as Gwyneth Paltrow says. We shall see.

Musings from Oct 19

I looked at myself this morning and looked decidedly nonpregnant in the belly. As I was getting ready for work (say, 30 minutes after I arose) I felt the familiar belly grumblies and felt better. I have to remind myself that it is a privilege to be able to go to the doctor whenever I feel alarmed, whereas some people seldom go to the doctor and have healthy babies. I think that the hardest part for me is that in between the initial excitement about learning of its existence to when he/she is out in this world, it is a lot of boring waiting time. I suppose my excitement could be that I have a wickedly getting worse yeast infection – which is a trait of pregnancy I guess. Maybe I should be eating less wheat?

Musings from Oct 5 & Kumquat on Oct 2

The pregnancy is going well. There hasn’t been bleeding since we went to the doctor on Monday (a week ago) so that is good news. I don’t feel the baby yet, though I saw her squirming around last Friday. She is so darn cute – in a way that all miniature things are cute. I was looking at S’s ultrasound pictures online from when will be a week from today – her kid looks a lot less alienlike and far more peoplelike. Maybe they have better equipment in the States or there is a serious lack of evolution going on in my grumbling belly. Who knows. I am just trying to relax. I hope to catch up on some movies and I am so freakin’ emotional through them all. I think the only movie I didn’t tear up at recently was Inglorious Basterds. Wow – I literally saw 3 movies last week – The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, Inglorious Basterds, and Sling Blade. Good on me.


I was picking up some minor pregnancy meds and I asked to see the ultrasound because I went belly first into a work turnstile. Whoopsie. Matt wasn't there but Kumquat was the most active I had seen her. Swimming blissfully (or blissing swimmingly?). Needless to say she was fine. I sort of had a bit of a meltdown with the doctor here as the whole pregnancy thing was/is so nerve wracking. This is where Matt was also convinced Kumquat was a he because it is hard to tell baby bits in the ultrasound. She looks very cool, doesn't she? She is wearing amniotic shades. After this pic I cannot get Bob Marley's "Illegal Alien" out of my head for a month. This is me by the way - I wasn't expecting to see the doctor so he didn't get to change my name.

Musings and Kumquat on Sept 28

I am very concerned about becoming a mother. I think that maybe I have not accomplished enough in my life prior to becoming a mom. I am now looking to women who continued to produce after they had kids. Hillary Clinton. Annie Proulx. Even Stephanie Meyer. I remind myself that being a mom is not a prison sentence, though I know that my days like yesterday when I am get up at one in the afternoon are numbered. Part of me hopes that being a mom will ‘fill in the holes’ for me, that I am more able to be disciplined with my time now that it will be somewhat dictated to me. So far the pregnancy has been not what I have expected. I went on vacation to Thailand last week and could do so little – no exercise, no swimming, no massage (so I learned the hard way), limited sun (perhaps this last one was self-imposed – I understand that I am more sensitive to the sun). I am waiting for my boobs to get bigger. No exercise is making me a bit antsy in the head. I never realized how much I needed my morning endorphin rush. Was on bed rest for 3 days last week.


Looks awfully uncomfortable, doesn't she?

Manic musings from Aug 27

Sunday I took a pregnancy test because my monthly bill has been late (but that is nothing new). It was positive. I was quizzical. I took another one the next day and another one with my local doctor the following day. Three tests in three days all confirming I am pregnant. How can it be? I have not been sick, my only symptoms are some zits along my hairline and some occasional tummy gymnastics. My private bits are not sore, I am a bit tired I guess (although I am always tired). I have leafed through the baby book and wonder if I have any pain threshold to go through this. I am too nervous to be a mom on my own - I will require a lot of support I think....

I have now been pregnant for a week. Seven whole days of pregnancy known by me. I know myself well enough to know that this could be the beginning of a vacuous black hole of paranoia - now times two.

I have no idea when this child was conceived. According to Matt, it was conceived exactly 8 days ago, and early detection was literally hours after the 'act' commenced, as validated by peeing in a cup and using a $4 pregnancy test. After researching the internet, I realized I am cheap and you can pay more for pregnancy tests with a higher sensitivity. Who knew this? I thought I was saving some blow on some unneccessary packaging (e.g. I do not need some lame colored cap so I am a further distance from my urine, thank you very much).

Prior to a week ago, I took a pregnancy test 5 weeks ago and 3 weeks ago. All cheap ass tests and all negative.

I had not had my period in 10 weeks prior to my first positive test. Do you think I should have been concerned? I probably would have been except when I am off the pill I know I can easily go months without getting my period. According to the internet (damn you Google) I am now 11 weeks along.

So Junior was conceived somewhere between 11 weeks and 8 days ago.

Although I was half heartedly tracking my morning temperature to find my most fertile period, I certainly wasn't tracking the days that the deed was done.

It is a miracle I happen to even know when my last period started.

I look forward to the ultrasound tomorrow. I hope to get some indication when Junior was conceived but more importantly, when Junior plans to leave.

Also - how about the symptoms? I am looking for some good morning sickness (according to the internet it is an indicator for a healthy kid). Where is mine?

This past week I have had a goofy (not painful) tummy and some light brown spotting. And a freakish propensity to junk food (pizza, etc.). We took a picture yesterday for our helper's birthday and OMG do I really look that fat? Christ...

Reading through these pregnancy books (I got a couple at a neighbor's garage sale a couple of months ago - maybe I was pregnant then?) I am thoroughly freaked out and overwhelmed by all that can go wrong with this.

I seriously need someone to talk me off the ledge.

I also realize my extremely low threshold for pain. Although at this point I would like to have a kid naturally as it seems to be the least difficult (in the immediate term) on the body than a c-section.

And I can live with Junior having a cone-shaped head for a week or two.

Sigh - first doctor appointment tomorrow. Crossing my fingers and toes it goes well.