Manic musings from Aug 27

Sunday I took a pregnancy test because my monthly bill has been late (but that is nothing new). It was positive. I was quizzical. I took another one the next day and another one with my local doctor the following day. Three tests in three days all confirming I am pregnant. How can it be? I have not been sick, my only symptoms are some zits along my hairline and some occasional tummy gymnastics. My private bits are not sore, I am a bit tired I guess (although I am always tired). I have leafed through the baby book and wonder if I have any pain threshold to go through this. I am too nervous to be a mom on my own - I will require a lot of support I think....

I have now been pregnant for a week. Seven whole days of pregnancy known by me. I know myself well enough to know that this could be the beginning of a vacuous black hole of paranoia - now times two.

I have no idea when this child was conceived. According to Matt, it was conceived exactly 8 days ago, and early detection was literally hours after the 'act' commenced, as validated by peeing in a cup and using a $4 pregnancy test. After researching the internet, I realized I am cheap and you can pay more for pregnancy tests with a higher sensitivity. Who knew this? I thought I was saving some blow on some unneccessary packaging (e.g. I do not need some lame colored cap so I am a further distance from my urine, thank you very much).

Prior to a week ago, I took a pregnancy test 5 weeks ago and 3 weeks ago. All cheap ass tests and all negative.

I had not had my period in 10 weeks prior to my first positive test. Do you think I should have been concerned? I probably would have been except when I am off the pill I know I can easily go months without getting my period. According to the internet (damn you Google) I am now 11 weeks along.

So Junior was conceived somewhere between 11 weeks and 8 days ago.

Although I was half heartedly tracking my morning temperature to find my most fertile period, I certainly wasn't tracking the days that the deed was done.

It is a miracle I happen to even know when my last period started.

I look forward to the ultrasound tomorrow. I hope to get some indication when Junior was conceived but more importantly, when Junior plans to leave.

Also - how about the symptoms? I am looking for some good morning sickness (according to the internet it is an indicator for a healthy kid). Where is mine?

This past week I have had a goofy (not painful) tummy and some light brown spotting. And a freakish propensity to junk food (pizza, etc.). We took a picture yesterday for our helper's birthday and OMG do I really look that fat? Christ...

Reading through these pregnancy books (I got a couple at a neighbor's garage sale a couple of months ago - maybe I was pregnant then?) I am thoroughly freaked out and overwhelmed by all that can go wrong with this.

I seriously need someone to talk me off the ledge.

I also realize my extremely low threshold for pain. Although at this point I would like to have a kid naturally as it seems to be the least difficult (in the immediate term) on the body than a c-section.

And I can live with Junior having a cone-shaped head for a week or two.

Sigh - first doctor appointment tomorrow. Crossing my fingers and toes it goes well.