Just got back from the doctor - I am due tomorrow and surprisingly there may be a chance that Kumquat can actually arrive on her due date! I am 1 cm dilated and have a bit of show to show (well, I didn't know it was show so a good thing the doc was there to validate). She is due tomorrow. I am trying to nap but the construction noise is so unbearable so I am trying to write.
I thought I would have written something about being a mother sooner but I guess I have been so busy just being busy. So it is coming soon and people ask me if I am nervous. Of course I am nervous. I am nervous about the birth - more that I have the stamina to keep with it if it goes on for more than a day than anything else. I am nervous about the 'being a mom' bit after the birth too. I thought I would be more evolved emotionally - sort of a total Zen version of myself by the time I had kids. I also thought I would be close to ruling the world in some non-mom like way by the time I had kids (when I was younger I thought I would have kids in my twenties, too). I harbored some future fantasies of perfectionism - probably some fallout from my Asian upbringing. But here I am, in my mid thirties, I have not yet taken over the world, and I am not a Zen version of myself (but I am trying). And I am happy, which in all of my previous fantasies, was never even a considered part of the equation. I hope motherhood is the adventure everyone says it is - to be able to teach and to learn by example, to experience the spectrum of emotions from someone I created, to leave a legacy somehow. I look forward to meeting Kumquat and sharing with her the beauty and joy life has to offer (and enduring the inevitable painful life lessons too). If I had all the answers maybe motherhood wouldn't be so fun. Who knows? I go in with a positive expectation of the future and I am excited for Kumquat to join our happy little Singapore family. Hopefully she can endure the construction noise better than I can.
Now please come out soon!
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