Baby jet lag

It is and was a tad stressful to fly with Charlotte.  She was a big hit among the mainland Chinese women for some reason while in Hong Kong's airport.  We were lucky to fly in business - but the other patrons certainly didn't feel so lucky sitting with us when we sat down.  She slept most of the time and with the exception of one minor wet diaper meltdown (that unfortunately coincided with the longest and least necessary seatbelt sign period ever) she was generally pretty quiet.  She was on an every 4 hour feeding schedule for the most part.  We are not so used to sleeping so close to baby (we are not co-sleepers as she is a bit of a squirm worm) - so it was hard to find the right position for her - Matt flew nose to nose with her and I flew with her in the Bjorn because I didn't like her to feel like she was falling (which brings new meaning to the idea of falling and then jerking in your sleep).  We settled on using the Snuggle Nest we brought on board and setting it at my feet and I slept with a slightly compromised position (but nothing to really prevent my sleep).  I kept waking up to make sure I didn't kick her to the floor accidentally (the jerking in your sleep thing).  But that was a long window of sleep - 2 and a half hours for a total of 3 hours on the flight overall.  Not entirely glorious as a singleton but seemingly ok in the new regime of parenthood (on a total aside - I have been a really nervous sleeper since Charlotte has been born.  Often I awake in a psychological 'cold sweat' - as if I have forgotten some pill to take for Charlotte, etc.  On the plane I awoke and thought someone stole my wedding ring from my hand!  It took me a while to realize I didn't bring my ring as it is still too tight on my arthritic fingers).

Becky picked us up at the airport (which was fantastic) and drove us to Madison/Middleton, our home for the next 4 days.  Charlotte was up till around 5 this morning local time and is now sleeping at 9:40 in the morning, though we need to get her up so she can adjust to the local time.  Matt and I have decided that baby jet lag is FAR far worse than normal jet lag.  I have had 7 hours of sleep in the last 36 hours.  Thank goodness for undereye concealer.

Week 10

Charlotte is 10 weeks today.  She has had a minor cough which has subsided some today.  We are leaving for the US on Sunday and I am a bit nervous about all that travel time with Charlotte.  My 'friends' on the internet suggest it should be fine, she should sleep through but I realize now that I cannot trust the norms anymore with Charlotte.  Plus I will travel with at least 7 bottles - yikes!  Here is to hoping for no travel delays. 

Day 3 of full time motherhood is still going well - perhaps I am in the honeymoon period.  I am very busy this week with preparations prior to my travels (e.g. getting my hair cut).  I made the mistake of reading while in a taxi and nursed a wicked headache for most of the afternoon.

We have to move out of our house as we need to downsize as we plan to spend more time in the US.  I am sad about moving house as we got married, Matt started his business... and Charlotte was born in this house.  But we will have to leave it at some point.  Blah - I just hate moving.  The only upside to moving (every 2 to 3 years for me since 2004) is that I purge my stuff more than if I never moved.  I still have a lot of stuff (the apple doesn't fall far from the, ahem, maternal tree) but a lot less than if I never moved.

Here are some pics from this week:

Matt and Charlotte on Father's Day - I got Matt this colorful World Cup shirt:


Charlotte looking serious in her new dress:


Charlotte and Imee:


Charlotte trying to sit up:


She fell over!


Laughing while sitting again!

Where my head is right now

Today is the first day of not being employed.  At least not in a formal sense.  I have quit my job.  There was some ambivalence about it but it is for the best - as I am not in the best shape medically and it is good for one parent to be home.  We are lucky that we have the option for one of us to be home.  I thought if I got to this point I would have this huge identity crisis about it, and although there is some residual feelings about this (it was odd to me the other day to fill out a form and list my occupation as "Mother") I am not quite so unsettled about this as I thought I would be.  Maybe I should re-post in 6 months and see where my head is then.  Again, in some ways we are lucky.  I have a lot of help which is a God send - we have Imee who is amazing with Charlotte and a part time nanny till the end of this week which helps me go to the gym and my myriad (really, a myriad) of doctor's appointments.  My carpal tunnel seems to be subsiding some, though I still get tingly fingers from time to time.  Today my arthritis seemed worse in my outer toes - I got a foot massage last night (for $14US - a steal) and it seems to have done nothing.  My breasts are engorged thanks to ending breastfeeding - but really this is the least of my physical pains and the burning sensation of ice packs to them is far more damning than the engorgement is (sorry if this is TMI).  I really think I would have been a greater candidate for postpartum depression if Charlotte wasn't so darn happy.  She smiles and it lights up her whole face (and the whole room).  Likewise, when she cries in consumes her whole being - her mouth vibrates and she produces tears and it is just so heartbreaking - even if the relief of a warmed bottle is a mere 30 seconds away.   But time really flies - it is almost ten weeks since I gave birth and it has been a whirlwind.  The days really do fly by - far faster than when I was in more traditional work.  I am happy to update this as my head is sometimes all over the place and it is good for me to capture, however fleetingly, how I am feeling.  I lost my patience with Bucky when Charlotte arrived but even that is getting better.  I am in a perpetual state of tired - even if I get adequate sleep there is constant worry that hovers now that I am a mother.  My occupation: mother.  It is important to be a good role model but not to obsess.  So that is my next immediate goal - to obsess less.

Week 9

Charlotte is 9 weeks old today.  She seems to be demanding more play time which is fun/exhausting.  Her vision must be getting better and she sure does not want to miss anything!  She should enjoy it while it is good - if her parents are any indicator myopia should set in in just a few short years!  We have discovered the joys of the sleep sack - 4 nights this week she slept from 8PM till 6:30 in the morning.  I say this as she got up at 4:30 and 7:30 this particular morning.  I am not so well rested - I am fighting a cold (oh dear body, can anything go right with you?) and the antihistimines I have been given are just sleep in a pill.  A very tiny yellow pill filled with infinite sleep.

I went to the doctor this morning and I do not have very serious rheumatoid arthritis which is good - it should relieve itself (and hopefully not be chronic) within a short time (e.g. months).  I will be giving up breastfeeding, as I find it difficult to care for baby without all my limbs agreeing with me.  At the moment I am pumping less to a gradual nil.

I also went to a psychologist this week to see if I had postpartum depression (my goodness mental healthcare is CHEAP in Singapore!  I think I paid about $60 US for the consultation - which is cheaper than the US!  In Hong Kong and Macau is was $200 US for an hour with an MSW (not even a doctor) and $250 US for a PhD in psychology).  I took a diagnostic test (I love the idea of quantifying one's own depression) and I am not depressed, just having some adjustment issues (e.g. the breastfeeding, carpal tunnel, rheumatoid arthritis causing me to not be able to handle the baby as well as I would like, among other things I won't mention here).  As always it is good to talk to someone just so you don't feel so alone, as motherhood can be (dare I say the obvious) isolating.  I just don't know how one can not feel overwhelmed by motherhood - it is such a change but I guess the payoff is worth it.  I like to manage projects and Charlotte is a 20 year project.

I may join a mother's support group, though I am not so stellar at these group participation things as I tend to clam up and be judgmental and contribute nothing (which, I am sure, stems from my fear of failure).  I am really grateful to the help that we have here, particularly Imee who is really good with Charlotte and helps me as I pump or take a nap to get myself better from my various ailments. 

On yet another lighter note, here are some requisite pictures of Charlotte.  She looks more and more like Buddha everyday! :)

Cheeky:


Angsty:


Debonaire:


In Buddha-like togs:


"Whatcha talkin' 'bout Willis?"


Laughing Buddha!

This will hurt you more than it hurts me

2 month checkup yesterday - Charlotte weighs 5.3kg (11.66 lbs in English) and is growing fine (maybe too fine - but she certainly doesn't look too chubster yet).  She grew a whopping 4.5cm over the last month so she is now 58cm (26.4 inches).  She got her 2nd round of vaccinations (the first one was done at the hospital by the doctor away from us - probably for good reason to avoid all the shrieking).  Yes, there was blood curdling shrieking.  Louder than any hunger cry we have ever heard.  Matt held her down, she got 3 sticks (including one from a nurse we have had before who just cannot deal with fidgety babies!  Like hello, babies fidget for Chrissake).  After much deliberation we got Charlotte the BCG shot (for TB) which will leave a tiny scar in her butt (I was trying to pursuade the nurse to put it as much towards the middle as possible - I mean, who am I to preclude a potential bikini modeling career?).  After it was all over, she cried for a few minutes, calmed herself down (sans milk, surprisingly) and promptly passed out.  But holy hell, that shrieking was unbelievably unnerving.  Matt, in his typical tough love ways, seemed nonplussed but I certainly was a bit shaken by how much she was shaken (and shakin').

This morning Matt took off one of the bandages after her bath and the shrieks and the tears resurrected - as if a now repressed part of her mind emerged with that one rip.  So I think we should keep the other bandage on till it falls off.  Please, no more (controllable) drama.

Here are a few videos over the last week or so:

The ordinarily camera shy Bucky hams it up - he will sell his soul for chicken!


Charlotte getting burped:


Charlotte mesmerized by her dad's cool dancing moves:

Week 8

Charlotte is 2 months and is as cute as ever.  She is getting heavier and looks more like a little Buddha everyday.  She half rolled over to her side right before Grandma Kathy left.  Her eyes are turning darker (still hazel but more brown than gray).  Her head hair is falling out but her eyelashes are long, the envy of her poor, short eyelashed mother.  Mom, on the other hand, is dealing with the early rheumatoid arthritis as best as she can.  Bottlefeeding hurts (damn hand) and carrying her for longer than a few minutes hurts as well.  She is on Arcoxia which, as mentioned in week 7, is not compatible with breastfeeding.  She has gotten rid of the Medela Symphony and back to the Medela PUMP IN STYLE (ha - like that is bloody possible). The pumping and dumping is yielding far more than expected - Charlotte was getting the breast milk after all!  She is trying all things - even including stopping all 'cold' consumption of drinks and foods like yogurt.  She is soaking her hands and feet.  In an attempt to minimize the pain in her joints, she has rejoined Weight Watchers (not really joined - just doing it) and it is not horrible (are they still doing points these days?  I still am, and get 10 more a day because of breastfeeding - yay!).  She has joined a gym and even purchased a swimsuit (with cute boy shorts - thank goodness for lower cut suits these days).   She is wearing a wrist brace for her motherhood-onset carpal tunnel syndrome.  She is trying, and wants nothing more than for things to become a tad easier - for her and for Charlotte.

This is what she looked like a minute after she was born (less bloody though):


Her in the big bed:




Yet another one with Daddy in the big bed:


Matt being attacked by the Bla Bla in his sleep:


"Whatcha talkin' 'bout Willis" look (RIP Gary Coleman):


Finally!  The smile comes through:

Week 7 for Charlotte

Another week passes and our little Charlotte gets heavier.  Sex and the City 2 has come out over the last week, even here in Singapore.  I am surprised more people haven't asked me if our Charlotte is based on SATC's Charlotte - no, but if she was the hussy one we would have probably thought twice.  Grandma Kathy is here, we tried to go to a Pixar exhibit on the other side of the country (i.e. 40 minutes away) and we forgot a teat and we (nee I) learned that we should always travel with an extra nipple.  I didn't get so much out of the exhibit but that is ok - I worked at the Mouse for so long I know how the story ends, so to speak.  Aside from this, Charlotte has evolved into a little fashion plate thanks to Grandma's keen eye, organization, and vigilance. 

As for me, it appears as if I have rheumatoid arthritis as some sort of fallout of pregnancy.  This affects 5% of mothers, and I am resigned to the fact that I am not in the fat part of the bell curve on many aspects of pregnancy (exceptional I suppose).  I am on these drugs which means that I cannot breastfeed for about 10 days, but can continue to pump (and dump) to keep my milk supply up.  Despite all my ranting about breastfeeding, there are aspects of the experience I enjoy and will miss, like being able to calm my child down and watching her look straight ahead - intently at my armpit (my friend Suelika even laments that after all these months, the loving eye contact exchange between mother and child still hasn't happened for her and Oli).  At least the feedings should take less time.

But enough about me.  On with the pictures and video!


A video of Grandma Kathy and Charlotte in her Paul Frank onesie (thanks Laurie!):
 

In awe:


With Grandma:


Happyish:


Looks like Mom (me!) here:


Glee!