Where my head is right now

Today is the first day of not being employed.  At least not in a formal sense.  I have quit my job.  There was some ambivalence about it but it is for the best - as I am not in the best shape medically and it is good for one parent to be home.  We are lucky that we have the option for one of us to be home.  I thought if I got to this point I would have this huge identity crisis about it, and although there is some residual feelings about this (it was odd to me the other day to fill out a form and list my occupation as "Mother") I am not quite so unsettled about this as I thought I would be.  Maybe I should re-post in 6 months and see where my head is then.  Again, in some ways we are lucky.  I have a lot of help which is a God send - we have Imee who is amazing with Charlotte and a part time nanny till the end of this week which helps me go to the gym and my myriad (really, a myriad) of doctor's appointments.  My carpal tunnel seems to be subsiding some, though I still get tingly fingers from time to time.  Today my arthritis seemed worse in my outer toes - I got a foot massage last night (for $14US - a steal) and it seems to have done nothing.  My breasts are engorged thanks to ending breastfeeding - but really this is the least of my physical pains and the burning sensation of ice packs to them is far more damning than the engorgement is (sorry if this is TMI).  I really think I would have been a greater candidate for postpartum depression if Charlotte wasn't so darn happy.  She smiles and it lights up her whole face (and the whole room).  Likewise, when she cries in consumes her whole being - her mouth vibrates and she produces tears and it is just so heartbreaking - even if the relief of a warmed bottle is a mere 30 seconds away.   But time really flies - it is almost ten weeks since I gave birth and it has been a whirlwind.  The days really do fly by - far faster than when I was in more traditional work.  I am happy to update this as my head is sometimes all over the place and it is good for me to capture, however fleetingly, how I am feeling.  I lost my patience with Bucky when Charlotte arrived but even that is getting better.  I am in a perpetual state of tired - even if I get adequate sleep there is constant worry that hovers now that I am a mother.  My occupation: mother.  It is important to be a good role model but not to obsess.  So that is my next immediate goal - to obsess less.